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WOLFE'S WORDSJanuary 10, 2011
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Shadchans Are Still Saying, "Have I Got A Girl For
by: Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe
Important dates

This Month...

Editor's Comment
Michael looks at:
Farewell, Shalom and Adieu

Being Jewish Magazine

see a .pdf copy of the current issue

An Open Letter from Abba to His Family

Enough With The Political Finger-Pointing!

Revisiting the Haggadah

Eddy's Recipe List
Victoria Sponge

Book Review
Unstrung Heroes

The Outspeaker
Encouraging violence is never correct

Good times and bad times with Batya

Nathan Weissler
What my friendship with Michael Hanna-Fein meant to me

BC's Backlot
The Last Shalom

This And That
My Treasure Chest

Three Symbols of Passover


Lynn Ruth Miller
How we all became part of a bigger story

Mel Yahre
A few words for my friend

Eddy's Thoughts
Don't let life flutter by

The Bear Facts
How I found Michael


Matchmaking is probably the oldest Jewish profession. According to folklore, from the time God matched up Adam with Eve, he has been arranging marriages on earth. Hence, the saying, "Marriages are made in heaven." But God also appointed helpers in this job--everyday matchmakers or marriage brokers--or shadkhns. (Note: "shadkhns' is an alternate spelling.)

Yiddish is filled with sayings and stories about matchmakers.
1. A "shatkhn" must be a liar.
2. "With a matchmaker there's no homely bride."

Perhaps you've heard the story about the "shatkhn" in Eastern Europe, who received a percentage of the dowry for his services. Yes, matchmakers held an honorable position in the community.

"Have I got a meydl for you! She comes with a dowry of ten thousand rubles."

"Yung" man:
"That sounds interesting. Let me see her picture."

"Sorry, but with a ten-thousand-ruble dowry we never show pictures!'

The period from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day is usually the busiest for matchmakers on the Internet. Internet dating sites are basically cyber-shadchans. They help people sift through potential dates and pinpoint the men who have successful careers, dynamic personalities, and chiselled abs.

Today, about 20 million Americans are using dating sites, more than double the number five years ago. Online dating is a BILLION DOLLAR industry.

In the digital age, love is potentially one mouse click away from dozens of dating websites: JDate,, OKCupid,,, eHarmony, (UT), and (the site accepts only "good-looking members--no ugly, unattractive, desperate fatsos." In other words, you must have a "shayna ponem.)

My favorite: "Chai Expectations." Laurie Berzack created Chai Expectations in 2006 to help Jewish marriage-minded singles find their soul mates. Berzack meets with her clients, who range from 23 to 80 years old. Berzack says that she doesn't take on everyone. Her fees start at $3,000, which guarantees a minimum of six introductions. However, for $750, she will help people develop online profiles.

While people are finding casual dates and even love online, they are also encountering married people pretending to be single--or worse--sexual predators and convicted felons.

There's a website that actually encourages people to cheat on their mates. It has a slogan:
Someone has suggested that their slogan should be:

Another website enables people to request background checks on anyone they have met on a dating site. It's called, "" Their motto:
The basic background search costs $9.95.

Here's a letter written to The New York Times on 6/15/08:

Philip Galanes

A few months ago, I met my boyfriend on JDate, a dating site for Jewish singles. He assumed I was Jewish, and I didn't correct him when I had the chance. Now I'm afraid that if I tell him, he's going to dump me. What do I do? I really like this guy, but it's getting weird.

Part of the answer:
"All denominations are welcome on JDate, but the local custom is for non-Jews to identify themselves as such."

What do rabbi's think about dating and meeting your "bashert" online? Rabbi Shmuley Boteach "is sick of the dating scene." In an article in the Jewish Press, America's Rabbi "ranted that Jewish singles place utmost importance on superficial values such as looks and money when seeking a lifelong mate. Boteach complains that singles are "immune to love" and go on endless dates, but can't find a person who meets their standards because they make quick judgments instead of seeking a deeper spiritual connection.

A final thought for eligible young and "seasoned" singles:

In 2011, may you meet someone who shares your values on children, money, education and religion. Isn't that what your mother wanted?
Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe invites all of her S. Florida friends to visit her. She is giving talks at libraries in Delray Beach, Boynton Beach, West Palm Beach, Lake Worth, Boca Raton, Highland Beach, and Wellington.

Who's the most famous matchmaker? Yenta, the matchmaker in "Fiddler on the Roof." The part of Yenta was memorably played by the Yiddish actress, Molly Picon. Beatrice Arthur, Florence Stanley, and Theresa Tova also played the role.


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