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The Gantseh Megillah

The Outspeaker
6/7/2005
Issue:
6.06

JEW-DEOS

I’d like to get something straight this month (for a change) before I start my ranting…

First, Republicans and their Christian conservative running dogs do not consider the United States purely a Christian nation. They have decided that we are a Judeo-Christian country, or at least a nation based on Judeo-Christian principles, whatever those may be.

I, for one, am a bit surprised to learn that I am not, as I always have held, a Jew, but rather a Judeo-Christian. I did a bit of research into this strange morphology; i.e.: I asked a Born-Again Christian friend of mine about the matter. It appears that in the Old Testament there is an imperative that one should not speak ill of Israel (i.e.: Jews). This, as all else in the King James Version, is to be taken literally. I suppose that is the sole reason for the Right’s support for Israel and their tolerance of Jews in their midst; they seem damned intolerant and dismissive of other religions and behaviors.

At any rate, not to appear ungrateful, I think I’ll continue to consider myself a semi-observant garden variety Yid, and eschew the Judeo-Christian designation.

Thanks anyway…

ACADEMIC PROSELYTIZING

The Air Force has recently decided that an Air Force Academy chaplain, Captain Melinda Morton, a run-of –the-mill Protestant minister, and as such inadequate to the purposes of the religious right, be relieved from her duties and reassigned to a base in Japan. The following from The Internet:

“The academy chaplain, Capt. Melinda Morton, 48, spoke publicly for the first time as an Air Force task force arrived at the academy in Colorado Springs on Tuesday to investigate accusations that officers, staff members and senior cadets inappropriately used their positions to push their evangelical Christian beliefs on Air Force cadets.”

And from her report on a visit to the academy by a Yale Divinity School assessment team, which noted:

“Challenges to pluralism. [Yale Practicum Team] observed consistent specific articulations of Evangelical Christian themes during general protestant services. (BCT and GE) Protestant Cadets were encouraged to chant the phrase, “This is our Chapel and the Lord is our God.” Protestant Basic Cadets were encouraged to pray for the salvation of fellow BCT members who chose not to attend worship. During general protestant worship in Jack’s Valley, attending Basic Cadets were encouraged to return to tents, proselytize fellow BCT members, and remind them of the consequences of apostasy. (Protestant Basic Cadets were reminded that those not “born again will burn in the fires of hell.”) Protestant Basic Cadets were regularly encouraged to “witness” to fellow Basic Cadets. Protestant Basic Cadets were commonly told that Jesus had “called” them to the Academy and military life. Protestant Basic Cadets were informed that God’s plan for their life included attending USAFA.”

Interesting and reassuring, no?


SCANDELOUS INDEED!

The following from Senator Arlen Specter, who appeared with Senators Orrin Hatch and Gordon Smith. All three are Republicans:

"It is scandalous, absolutely scandalous," he said, "that there are so many people with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and heart disease and cancer - some of whom, myself, look in the mirror every day, can barely recognize myself (Specter is currently undergoing chemotherapy for Hodgkin's Disease). And not to have the ability of the best medical care is simply atrocious."

The irony, obviously lost on the three legislators, was that they were talking about stem cell research, which they support, while all three are on record as opposing universal health care. With every year that passes during which nothing is done to save the tens of thousands of lives lost because of the indifference of the Right and the cowardice of the Left, Congress and our President become more and more guilty if not of murder, at least of depraved indifference to human life.

I recently read an article that maintained that there is at present a move among 24 “ideologically disparate” leaders “representing the health care industry, corporations and unions, as well as both conservative and liberal groups to seek consensus on how to provide health coverage for the growing number of Americans without insurance.” It appears these 24 have been meeting regularly to achieve some sort of agreement on what needs to be done. I suppose that recognition that there is in fact a problem is progress in and of itself, but the solutions offered so far seem to me to be simply the same incremental steps first floated by Clinton in the 90’s, and shot to pieces by the same insurance lobby and conservative groups now meeting to discuss solutions to the problem that they maintained didn’t exist in the first place!

Oh yeah, these meetings have been going on in secret!

BACK TO THE FUTURE

Farewell to my Juan
Farewell Rosalita
Adios mis amigos
Jesus y Maria
You won’t have a name when you ride the big airplane
All they will call you will be deportee
--Woody Guthrie “Song of the Deportees”

This is one I’ve been meaning to get to for some time. It seems our President is enthusiastically promoting a program by which aliens would be granted a weird sort of open-ended permanent resident status. His rationale for this policy change is that these aliens would prove useful performing tasks that Americans refuse to do. He has nothing to say on the subject of what these jobs might be. Perhaps they might become useless- playboy-cokehead-alcoholic-failed-businessmen-sons-of-other-mediocre-politicians-who find-religion-and-mistake-dogma-for-spirituality. Or not…

OK. Let’s undress the emperor. Here’s The Outspeaker’s proposal: It is a fact that there are not enough workers to dig our ditches, clean our homes, cut our lawns, work 12 hour shifts at Walmart, and otherwise help in our corporate regression to the Nineteenth Century. Americans have been whining about outsourcing of jobs to third world nations, so lets stop the outsourcing! Bring all the Indians, Thais, Burmese, etc here on open- ended visas. I’m sure Walmart and other right-thinking patriotic corporations would be happy to build housing for these workers. The structures need not be overly substantial, a few log shacks behind the mega-stores would do nicely, they could be heated adequately with fireplaces, and the workers could grow their own food. In hot weather, they could sit outside their hovels and play their native instruments, sing and dance, and otherwise provide entertainment for the customers and corporate moguls.

And while we’re at it, we could repeal the thirteenth amendment to what used to be our Constitution…

(Taking a deep breath)…

I promised in my last column to discuss the origins of our Constitution and the men who are referred to as our founding fathers, but space and time do not permit this month. Next month for sure…

Thank you for your indulgence, and as always I welcome all comments.

 

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