EDDY'S PAGE
by Eddy Robey M.A.

The end of Summer is a time of smiles. As the year draws to a close, it always seems a perfect idea to plan a picnic or barbecue so our loved ones may enjoy one another whilst sitting under a tree, sipping fresh lemonade long into the warm evening. August provides a last chance to relax, before the rush of High Holidays, Sukkot, and the more structured events of cool weather.

The only difficulty in planning these happy occasions is dealing with folks who want to turn them into grudge events. You know who they are; the ones who ask, "Who else is coming?" If allowed to carry on, these people will talk you to death with grandiose refusals to attend should so-and-so be invited, and long-winded recitations regarding the cause of the rift which may be many decades old.

You will notice that I said if they are allowed to behave in that fashion. There is no reason to permit that sort of talk. Indeed, it is important to do the opposite.

Every year, we each have an obligation to seek forgiveness from any we may have offended. people who keep grudges often seek to evade that responsibility by claiming that they are the offended party. However, there is no doubt that bearing ill will towards someone else is offensive, and therefore requires an effort to make amends. Certainly, any attempt to spread tales which might involve others in bad feelings only compounds the problem.

Obviously, it is wrong to do anything which furthers this sort of wrong action, so don't do it. First and foremost, refuse to listen to anything bad about someone else. If the person trying to unload on you is in need of a confidant, refer them to their rabbi. It is simple to say, "I understand that this situation is troubling you, but it would be more appropriate for you to discuss this with someone who can help resolve it."

If asked who else will be attending any event you are planning, just say, "Some other people who are dear to me. I am looking forward to enjoying everyone's company."

Never, I repeat, never give in to any ultimatum which would alter your guest list. If a person says that they will not be there, just say, "I'm so sorry you won't be able to participate, since this will be a good time for all."

Last, examine your own heart. Do you have an upset with anyone? If so, why not invite them to come and share that lemonade with you? It doesn't matter how the quarrel started, you might be able to end it by showing a warm heart.

HI-NAY MA TOV U-MA NA-YIM SHE-VET A-CHIM GAM YA-CHAD

How good and how pleasant it is when brethren live together.