Firstly, my apologies for having abandoned everyone. Oy, the techno-tsores
I’ve had! My computer died last September, and when I announced I was going to
get a new one, naturally, everyone had an opinion as to what I should buy. And
since my idea of high-tech is a microwave with a turntable in it, I didn’t know
who to trust. Well, my Godson finally made up my mind for me and bought me a new
one for the holidays. Then of course, we discovered the new system wouldn’t
support my beloved dial-up modem, and again I was khokt by kibitzers
as to which ISP to go with.
Anyway, the bottom line is, I have a new computer, a new ISP and I’m back in the
twenty-first century, more or less.
I wish I could have warned everyone of the onslaught of drek that
polluted the theatres over the last eight months or so. Thank God I can deduct
the cost of a theatre ticket, so I don’t feel too bad about paying ten bucks to
waste two hours.
I think the biggest disappointment for me was the re-make of the classic “Clash
of the Titans”. If you thought the CGI version of “Godzilla” was
abysmal, wait till you see this one. If the mindless bastardization of the
storyline (it takes real brass baitsim to rewrite classic mythology,)
wasn’t bad enough, they littered it with unnecessary characters who did little
more than pad the payroll. Then, there’s the casting. Liam Neeson was
wasted in the role of Zeus. Sam Worthington was made to spew dialogue
almost as absurd as his G.I. Joe haircut. In this one, Perseus come across like
a character from a Japanese anime, grunting and grimacing his way through
situations that are overstated and in most cases, ridiculous. The Kraken looked
suspiciously like the Rancor from “Return of the Jedi”, and for some
reason someone in the think tank decided to make Pegasus black, and Zeus’ wife
Hera, who caused all the trouble for Perseus in the first place, an ancillary
The CGI effects were fair, which is more than can be said for the
cinematography, which seems to go in and out of focus at will.
As an action/adventure flick, I’d give it a seven. As a retelling of a classic
story and a classic film, I’d like to give it a sound horsewhipping. God help us
all if these people decide to remake “The Ten Commandments”, wherein
they’ll probably have space aliens beam the Israelites across the Red Sea, and
using a plasma ray to carve the tablets. In any case, “Clash” is a
definite ‘must buy’ so in years hence you’ll be able to show your grandkids just
how bad movie making can be.
On the other hand, I’ve been dining on a nice diet of crow over Tim Burton’s
“Alice in Wonderland”. Sometimes we get so caught up in someone’s ‘image’ we
lose sight of their genius, and so it was with this film. I made the mistake of
judging it by a few scenes they release to the critics for pre-release articles.
But in my own defence, maybe they should have picked different scenes. And while
I still say the heads bobbing on the moat surrounding the Red Queen’s castle was
nauseating, it was one flaw in a cinematic diamond. The end result of this flick
was superb. I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone much under the age of ten, but
only because they might not get all the symbolism and you’ll have to keep
pausing the film to explain it. Unlike “Titans” Burton used CGI to
enhance the story rather than making it the focus. “Alice” embodies the
same strong story and quasi-dark comedy as he used in “The Addams Family”,
and while the light fantasy aspect of the story is missing, it remains an
excellent film and worthy of inclusion in your collection.
Till next month, Gang!