Shalom, Gang! 

This month’s column has to be brief, as I spent two weeks taking care of a flu epidemic in my home, and then I got it. And it’s difficult to work when one is in a medication-induced stupor. 

Not to digress from my usual format, but this might be of ironic interest to all of you. My stepson, is a Captain in the Army in Kuwait City, Kuwait. After the capture of the Palace near the Baghdad Airport, (Formerly Hussein International) a friend of his, a Marine, choppered him in to see the ruins of the palace. There were all manner of trinkets lying about, and he asked his friend, “What’s the position on souvenirs?” His friend replied, “Don’t ask, don’t tell!” (Sound familiar?) Anyway, to make a long story short, my stepson began stuffing his backpack. When he returned to Kuwait City, he had a picture taken of him holding up a gezunte silver serving knife for cakes and the like, with a caption, “A present for you, Brian. It seems ironically fitting that one of Saddam’s treasures should be owned by a nice Jewish boy!” I can’t wait to use it! Kugel, anyone? 

Okay, on to the Hollywood news! 

It seems as though inflation has even caught up with the Hollywood superstition that death comes in threes, because this time it came in quadruplicate, with the deaths of Katherine Hepburn, Buddy Hackett, Buddy Ebsen, and Barry White. To tributize them here would take volumes, and since I’m here to report on the sordid goings on in Tinsletown rather than eulogize, I’ll say simply that they were all deserving of the adulation and respect they earned throughout their impressive careers and will be missed deeply. I had the privilege of knowing Buddy Hackett and Buddy Ebsen personally, therefore their passing have left a more profound sense of loss for me.  

On a brighter note, this summer will historically be a red-letter one for the film industry, with “Terminator III” (for which Arnold garnered a record-breaking 30 million dollar salary,)  and “Pirates of the Caribbean” garnering first places so far, (originally, the role played by Johnny Depp was offered to Leo DiCaprio; meshugganer move, Leo,)  with “Nemo” running right up there as well. As I predicted, the schlocky CGI in “Hulk” was its downfall, so far barely making back its production costs. 

For those of you who have been to one of the Disney theme parks and been through ‘The Haunted Mansion’ brace yourselves, because On Thanksgiving day, the movie version hits the big screen, and I can tell you its worth the admission price. Unlike the producers of “Hulk”, the mensches over at Disney understand the audience’s love of identity, and have not only outdone themselves with casting, (Eddie Murphy and television icon Don Knotts,) but have made the CGI ghosts look like those in the amusement park ride. This one is a splendid mixture of nostalgia and contemporization, and will surely be one of the top success stories of the year. All in all, it’s a fun filled fantasy that proves once again, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. The Disney formula, after three quarters of a century, still works! 

Before I close, I want to thank ‘ Bobbie’ for her sweet letter to me. In her letter, Bobbie asked me about the High School from which Dustin Hoffman graduated. To my surprise, even Hoffman’s press kit made no mention of it! Now back in the old studio days, the publicity department pretty much decided what to make available for public consumption. For examples, Raymond Burr claimed to have been once married, although there was never any evidence to substantiate the gay actor’s ever having taken the plunge. And the famous feud between Elizabeth Taylor and Debbie Reynolds was also a figment of M-G-M’s publicity department, a way of getting even with Taylor for refusing to renew her contract with the lion. And I doubt if in our lifetime, it will ever be revealed that Sal Mineo was killed by an up-and-coming actor, who was afraid that Mineo might someday reveal that they had been lovers. 

The only real difference between then and now, is that nowadays the stars have to pay for their press. And often, their press releases are more outrageous than anything the studios ever dreamed up. But it got me to wondering why someone of Dustin Hoffman’s stature would make such a major point in omitting his early education from his resume. 

This has become a crusade for me now. And Bobbie, I promise you, I’ll find out where he went to high school for you! Now you’ve got me, wondering, and like the Elephant’s child, I have “Insatiable Curiosity”! 

Till next month Gang!