I’ve decided to take a break from dating, and so I deactivated my JDate membership. However, let me make something clear. If the right man came along, I certainly would “take a break from my break.” But for now, I’m weary of all the back and forth of dating, which has not led to my finding my beshert.

When I was a JDate member, although I could receive IMs, I would just get a blank box. I thought nothing of contacting the “IMer” and asking what he had “said” to me. If a man “teased” me (sent a prewritten message), I also would contact him. Over time, however, I learned that IMs and teases are merely a form of cyber-flirting and do not necessarily lead to a date. Thus, I decided only to respond to a man who sent me a “real” message. If his profile was “in the ballpark,” I didn’t mind if some things were a little “off base.” I figured, “Why not meet him? What have I got to lose?” But we each lost something—a piece of our hearts.

So I took a step back. As a deactivated JDate member, my profile is still posted, and the system allows me to see who has viewed me and IMed me. I’m also alerted to messages and teases, but I have no access to them. I can, however, match the time that I am alerted to a message with the time that someone has viewed my profile. In other words, I can figure out who has contacted me and can click on his profile. But I am not “allowed” to e-mail him back. I can “look,” but not “touch.”

This restriction has caused me to stop the cycle of inappropriate relationships and to seriously evaluate whether a man is right for me. To respond to an e-mail message, I would have to reactivate my membership, to the tune of $34.95. I ask myself, “Is this man worth $34.95? And this has become the $64,000 question.

In the past month, two men have come close. First, there was RenaissanceMan, who both Hot Listed and e-mailed me and who fit most of my criteria. He has a “socially conscious” profession, is into art and classical music, travels to Europe to take in the museums, takes classes at the University of Judaism, works out five days a week, and was born in New York, my favorite city for men. I could love this man. However, at the age of 54, he is looking for “marriage and children.” While that’s relatively easy for a man in his 50s, it’s pretty tough for a woman who has just turned 50, and having children has never been in my plans. When I was a JDate member, I would have e-mailed him back and asked him whether having children was negotiable. Perhaps, if he was sufficiently attracted to me, he would have said that it was, we would have gone out, clicked, spent a number of months together, and then broken up when, ultimately, he felt the need to pursue what he had wanted in the first place—to have children.

Then there was ArtStar. He’s a physician, born in New York, who described himself as “eclectic and aware, well traveled, articulate, and adventuresome, interested in art, music, and modern architecture. Just bizarre enough to be interesting.” The last comment intrigued me the most. And I fit his perfect match: “A bright, attractive, playful, and communicative woman with similar interests.” Unlike RenaissanceMan, ArtStar was not looking to have children. That’s because, at the age of 69, he probably already has grandchildren! Although the limit of my preferred age range is 59, when I was member, I would have e-mailed him back, rationalizing, “What’s a few years between friends?” We would have gone out, clicked, spent a number of months together, and then broken up when, ultimately, I felt the need to pursue what I had wanted in the first place—a man closer to my age.

So, I keep checking in, hoping that the $34.95 man will see my profile and contact me. It certainly would be worth investing the money to e-mail him back.