There was once a man who wanted to make a bar mitzvah for his dog. He decided that he would consult his Orthodox Rabbi and seek his advice.
The Rabbi said "Are you crazy!!! a Bar Mitzvah for a dog."
The man replied, "Yes, Rabbi. He has been part of my family for thirteen years"
The rabbi said, "I'm sorry. I can't do this for you"
The man continued and went along to a conservative rabbi and the rabbi responded in the same way "I can't do a Bar Mitzvah for a dog".
The man went ahead and asked his local Reform Rabbi if he would do the Bar Mitzvah for him. The Rabbi said, "Listen, we do a lot of crazy things around here but a Bar Mitzvah for a dog is absurd"
The frustrated man responded, "Rabbi, I'll give you $18,000 to do this for me......Please..!!!" The Rabbi quickly shot his head around and said "You never told me the dog was Jewish!"

Okay, I'll try another      
What was that last one?
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