Am I mechanically living out my faith because it is the thing to do? Some of us blindly follow our "religion"; while others reject the concept altogether; yet inside we may feel emptiness and live with that void. I was aware that something vital was absent from my life. God may have been calling, but I sure was not answering. I was following Judaism without the interpersonal relationship with the God of Israel and it felt meaningless.

At 33 years of age, I’ve discovered that I had been following my Jewish traditions without personal meaning. I find that as I grow and mature the answers I was given in the past are now insufficient. As an adult, I have a hunger to search for a deeper understanding. I asked myself about my ancestors and how they came to understand God’s plan.

I could now see that the Lord wanted us to love Him and one another. He spoke to us through his servants, King David, Moses and the prophets. As I read the Bible, I learned how difficult it was for our ancestors to obey God and I understood this because I also wanted to be my own boss. I trusted my own judgment rather than God’s in making my own decisions. God spoke through the prophet Jeremiah saying "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns from the Lord. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord whose confidence is from him." I saw that reading the Bible drew me nearer to Him creating a dynamic relationship with his words and wisdom. A living God exists in our modern world and I could now relate to His miracles as more than old stories from the Bible.

Once I had my own family, I would occasionally practice the Jewish rituals and traditions in our home, but I was doing it for the wrong reasons. God knows if our heart is not in the right place. God says "These people come near to me with their mouths and honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from Me. Their worship of me is made up of rules taught by men.” (Isaiah 29:13).

The writings of the Talmud and Mishnah have become the primary resource of study for the Rabbi's of today. These resources include added rules and regulations of how one should live a good righteous Jewish life. Unfortunately, current interpretations revolve around the discussion of such “legalisms” as whether a good Jew should turn on a light switch, tear toilet paper or drive a car during Shabbat. “Legalisms” here are defined as attempts to earn, merit or keep one's salvation through obedience to the law or, in our context, the Torah.

My family were “High Holyday” Jews. We followed our traditions blindly without knowing what God said about atonement and fasting. Through the prophet Isaiah He tells us "Yet today on the day of fasting you do as you please, you exploit all your workers, your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.” (Isaiah 58:3-4). God can see right through us and we cannot hide anything from him. I don‘t remember in all my times in synagogue or Shabbat school ever hearing that it was important to form a relationship with Him.

So, is it safer to keep God at arms length? In my own life, God seemed distant when I was growing up. I started to ask the question: “How does God who created us ‘in His image’, draw us closer? What is God's image and who is God?”

These questions are answered by getting to know His love and His word. Without love for God and His word, we are just trying to be good. According to the Hebrew Scriptures, there is nothing man can do to earn righteousness. This judgment is based solely on the grace of God and on our faith in Him.

Man-made righteousness became a law unto itself. Somewhere along the way, the Law became God. This is the result of taking love out of obedience. Trying to obey God and serve Him before we have come to love Him can be exhausting. My attempt to serve God or be good for God's sake exceeded my love for God. Devout Jews have added unnecessary burdens to God’s commandments in our current “religious” practices in many ways. God tells us in the book of Proverbs "do not add to my word or I will rebuke you and prove you a liar.” (Proverbs 30:6). The Hebrew Scriptures say that no one will be declared righteous by how well they followed the Law, because the righteous will live by faith. Consider Abraham; he believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness. God wants hearts of devotion not heads full of religion.

I for one could not imagine what God had in store for me, how he would take my hand and guide me, how He would reveal himself to me. “No eyes has seen, nor ear has heard and no one’s heart has imagined all things God has prepared for those who love him. “ (Isaiah 64:4). God wants us to pursue the relationship first. For me the search started in my own Bible. We were created to fellowship with God.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you. “May the words of my mouth and the Meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, My Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14).