Being on JDate is like trying to sell a house in this depressed real estate market.  As anyone who has ever tried to sell a house can tell you, you will get your share of “lookie loos.”  According to the Urban Dictionary, a lookie loo is “someone who looks at something with no intention of buying it.  Predominantly used for people who go to open houses when they have no intention of buying any real estate.”  Well, JDate has its share of lookie loos, which I define as “men who waste your time when they have no intention of having a relationship with you.”  Based on my experience, there are at least six signs of a JDate lookie loo.

About two years ago, some guy Hot Listed me.  At that time, I was rather naïve (I actually thought that when a guy Hot Listed you it meant something), and I sent him a friendly e-mail.  He e-mailed me back.  However, even though I had given him my personal e-mail address, he continued to e-mail me through JDate (the first sign of a lookie loo).  And despite our discovering that, among the many things we had in common, we both loved the same obscure assemblage artist, he didn’t ask me out. 

Fast forward two years, almost to the day, when he re-Hot Listed me.  I’m not even sure how to do this.  Do you have to un-list (he had never taken me off his Hot List) and then re-list someone?  All I know is that I received an e-mail from JDate that he had Hot Listed me.  He did follow through and e-mail me through JDate, asking me whether I would enjoy getting to know each other by e-mail (the second sign).  What’s the deal here?  We live maybe 10 miles apart and two years ago, we already had gotten to know each other by e-mail.  Although I prefer my men “unplugged, up close, and personal,”  I agreed to e-mail with him.                                                                           

The next day, he e-mailed me again through JDate, telling me that his e-mail system was down and asking whether we could get to know each other by phone (the third sign).  Although I had the same concerns as I did about e-mailing, this seemed like an improvement, so I gave him my number. 

About an hour later, he called.  A half-hour into the conversation, he asked me, “What do you think of JDate?” (the fourth sign).  I know this might sound like an innocuous question, but let me break it down for you.  First, it puts you on the spot; no matter what your experience is, no answer is going to sound right.  If you say it’s been good, he’ll wonder why you’re still on JDate.  If you say it’s been bad, then he’ll assume that no one is asking you out.  Instead of asking the question at all, he should simply be thinking that JDate is great because it enabled him to meet you and be hoping that you feel the same way, no questions asked, so to speak.

After nearly an hour had passed (the fifth sign), I wanted to get off the phone, but I figured that he was gearing up to ask me out, and I didn’t want to “cut the conversation short” (although certainly no one would accuse him of having a “short” conversation with me). 

After 75 (!) minutes, he had told me more about himself than I should know (or even wanted to know) about a person I had never met.  He ended the conversation by saying that he had enjoyed talking to me, wanted to talk again, and gave me both his home and cell phone numbers.  He did not, however, say anything about our meeting each other (the sixth sign).

By this point, I had had enough.  Even if this guy finally gets around to asking me out, I already have enough information to know that he has no intention of having a relationship with me.  He’s just another lookie loo.  And in this depressed market, I need to leave myself open to someone who is not only interested in “buying,” but also in making our house a home.