*The Yiddish word for accent is "aktsent."

Not all Jewish mothers sound like Gertrude Berg (AKA Molly Goldberg)! In the early episodes of "The Goldbergs," her English was fractured. She would say,

"Jake, it's Shabbes! You must go to voik, also today?... Oy, vat beezness!...Vhy don't you buy a bed and slip dere and finished!"

According to the book, "1,003 Great Things About Being Jewish" by Birnbach, Hodgman, & Stone,

"We never forget our mothers on Mother's Day" and "Being a 'Jewish mother' is just another way to say you care."

In the August 7, 2006, column by Cindy Adams, she writes about Gene Simmons, who appears in "Gene Simmons Family Jewels." His mother, Florence, who is 82, was asked if she watches her only kid's show. She replied,

"I see all his shows. I not only watch, I tape it. You know, I was there for his first show 30 years ago. I schlepped myself to this Queens Boulevard coffeehouse. Not many people there. And I nearly didn't recognize him in the makeup. I thought he was someone else...He was very hardworking. He would pray then go to school then do a paper route in Jackson Heights. Out of a schmatta, I made a bag to hold those newspapers. And the first money he got he bought me a corsage. My boy became a mensch all by himself."

Hennie Youngman ("Take My Life, Please") wrote about his mother's favorite anecdote. She was serving jury duty, and an old Jew had taken the stand, and was being sworn in by the bailiff.
"Do you swear to tell the truth," the witness was asked, "the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
"Nu?" said the old man, "Would I lie to you?"

Youngman wrote,
"I still can't forget my mother's words when I showed her my $250 check for that first Kate Smith Show."
"Since when," she wanted to know, "have you been funny?"

Youngman also wrote,
"Now there are many stories concerning the supposedly all-forgiving ways of Jewish mothers, when it comes to their wayward sons...Anyway, this story of a Jewish boy and his mother involves the notorious Sam "Killer" Kaplan, the number-one triggerman for Murder, Inc., the Jewish gang that ran out of Brooklyn's Brownsville section. I think it was around 1933 when Kaplan got into the wrong end of a shoot-out across the street from Cohen's Appliances. Critically shot, Killer still managed to crawl the three blocks to his mother's house. Bleeding all over the landing, he hoisted himself up the stairs, pounded on the door, and screamed,
"Mama, It's me, Sammy! I'm hurt bad!"
"Sit down and eat," his mother said, opening the door: "Later we'll talk."

Sam Levenson ("In One Era & Out the Other") wrote about the rag man who carried a rolled-up newspaper in his hand and sang out,
"I cash clothes." The burlap bag he carried over his shoulder gave rise to a story that became part of the local folklore: A woman waved to him to come up to the fifth floor, then asked him into her apartment.
"I hate to bother you, but do me a favor. Tell my rotten ("paskudne") kid that if he doesn't finish his cereal ("kashe") you'll take him away in your bag."

Levenson spoke about how his Mama used to say,
"There is no such thing as bad food; there are only spoiled children."

Levenson writes,
"Ma, I'm hungry."
"Smear a little chickenfat on a piece of bread."
"I don't like bread and chickenfat."
"If you don't like bread and chickenfat, you're not hungry. The children in China would be glad to have it."

Sid Caesar recalls listening to Georgie Jessel on the radio. A favorite routine of his was a conversation with his mother:
"Hello, Ma, this is your son. You know, from the money every week."

Larry King ("When You're From Brooklyn, Everything Is Tokyo") wrote about his mother, who was more concerned about eating than anything else. When he married and moved to Miami, his mother called his wife, Alene. Alene made the mistake of saying that Larry had a bad "farkilung" (cold).
"Oh, really?" she said. "Put him on." So Larry takes the "telefon" (phone) and his mother says,
"Larry, it's your mother, listen, you don't have to talk. I'll understand, just tell me, is she feeding you well? Just say yes or no."

Frieda Klein, Robert Klein's mother, talks about being the mother of a celebrity. She said,
"Sometimes I take advantage of being Robert's mother. My husband doesn't like to, but I do. Like we went to see a show at the Sunrise Theater, in Fort Lauderdale, and there was a long line outside. So I went to the door where they let the entertainers in, and I said who we were, and went right in. Sometimes it pays. But once I went to the dressmaker ("shnayderke") and I said,
"I'm Robert Klein's mother," and she said,
"That's nice. I like Buddy Hackett."
"I never went back to her."

The late Marcia Lieberman, Joe Lieberman's mom, "kvelled" when her son announced his candidacy for president. "It's beyond what any mom would ever dream," she says. And when a reporter needed a little help with her Yiddish, Marcia tried to explain the word "naches." And like any good mother, she had a bold prediction for 2004 and beyond: "He'll be the best president there ever was. I'll tell you that."

"Keyner veyst nit vemes morgn es vet zayn."
(No one knows whose tomorrow it will be.)

Totie Fields, who was regarded as being at or near the top spot among female comics during the late 1960s and early 1970s, liked to draw on her "mishpokhe" for humorous stories. She said, "My kid told me she was trying to find herself," began one such anecdote. "I said, 'Show daddy and me where you last saw yourself. We'll go there with a flashlight.'"

And, finally, Mike Nichols and Elaine May performed one of their funniest routines, "Mother and Son." A manipulative mother forces guilt ("shuld") onto her adult son till he regresses into "kinderhayt" (childhood). "I sat by the phone all day Saturday and all day Sunday. Your father said to me, 'Phyllis, eat something; you'll faint.'" I said, 'No, Harry, no. I don't want my mouth to be full when my son calls me.'"

When the son tries to defend himself, his mother stops him: "Someday, Arthur, you'll get married and you'll have children of your own, and honey, when you do, I only pray that they make you suffer! That's a mother's prayer...I hope I didn't make you feel bad." "Are you kidding? I feel awful," the son admits. "Oh, honey," exclaims the mother, "if I could believe that, I'd be the happiest mother in the world."
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Marjorie speaks with a "Noo Yawk aktsent."